Once upon a time, long ago....

So, it's been just over a year since I was on this blog, writing anything, doing anything at all with it. A very busy year too.

I left it because I thought I had to leave lolita. I'm a size 20, live below the poverty line, and...
*deep breath*
I'm genderqueer. This means I don't fit into the binary of genders of male and female. I'm somewhere... else. I don't quite feel between them, I feel like a third gender, related to female, with a slight look of male, but neither one nor the other.

I felt like none of these things belonged in Lolita. Brand and not are expensive, wigs are expensive. $50 is what I might make in a week, just enough to buy a lower end wig, but then how do I get food?

Then Occupy Wall St started.

I'm an activist and an anarchist at my core, and I had to go. Occupy started up here and I joined in and that was it. In my mind you couldn't be lolita and an activist. You can't sit in the rain and cold for three months on your JSK and petticoats. You don't get arrested in a split-color wig and BBTSSB. To me that was the last step and I left Lolita. I was not meant for the beauty.

I still love Lolita though. I love the look, the culture, I love the creativity, I want that. Now however, I've started dealing with my past more, abuse, to be exact, an in my mind all things feminine have become dangerous, because feminine, girlishness, my female body, those are, in my mind, what got me abused. Obviously that's not true, the abuser is what got me abused, nothing I did was wrong, but that's not what my mind says when I go to grab a skirt. On-top of that every girlish skirt feels wrong, it feels like I am betraying my queerness, invalidating it, I'm not queer enough. Of course, this isn't true, I am queer enough, but there's an expectation in the world that queer means you can't dress as what you were assigned at birth, in my case, female. You can't where dresses, you gotta where boy's clothes, even if you like dresses.

I'm realizing slowly though, that that isn't true. I can be goddamn queerist Lolita. I can be so super queer and still wear pink and frills. It doesn't matter. I can be an activist and Lolita. You don't have to wear torn up clothes just smash the patriarchy! You can wear a skirt and swing that hammer! I can march down mainstreet in whatever the fuck I want and scream out against a capitalist machine that leaves me and my friends hungry. It won't invalidate me. It won't invalidate my words.

So this blog is changing. It is going to take on a slight new spin.

It's going to be about me accepting my queerness and desire to wear Lolita. It's going to be about me taking small steps to return to Lolita and be comfortable. Also expect misandry. Cause I hate boys.

A brief reapperance

So for awhile now I've been gone. I said I'd keep up the blog and sadly I didn't. Life got a hole of me, things got in the way and while I don't feel guilty for that happening, I feel bad for those who looked for updates and found none after the promise of there being this attempt at greatness of the self.

Basically, what happened was this...

I'm bipolar and when I get manic I get self-destructive. I started drinking a lot more and doing drugs, I want full on eating disordered and I let myself get out of control. To beat it life had to become simple and then I decided I needed help. The help came in the form of a dog, a service dog. I dropped out of lolita because on minimum wage a girl can't pay rent, buy food for her and a dog and buy pretty things.

Then Occupy started. Now, I've been an anarchist for about four years now, and I've always been a little radical. Beside my pretty necklaces and lockets sit books about lock-picking, how to start riots, and staging a revolution while not getting arrested or choked by teargas as well as a few street medic guides. Occupy was this bright, screaming light for me and I ran right to it and that's where I've been.

I've been sleeping under a tarp in the rain, huddled together with my new family while I shivered myself awake all night, stayed up till three marching so the cops wouldn't take my friends away. I re-learned how to dumpster dive for food when none came, how to fight cops with words and shouts and chase them out of the street. I even got arrested and learned how people I had only met three days before would lay down in front of a cop car for me so they couldn't take me away, and how others would sleep on the cold sidewalk so that I could have hugs, food and cigarettes waiting on my release.

I learned some cops are beautiful people trapped in a system that mirrors a gang and how others are the system and are the shittiest human beings I've ever seen. I got threatened by a crack head and a crazy girl with her weave falling out stood up for me. I even shaved my head so I wouldn't get dreads and got a tattoo while a guy smoked a cigarette over it (It's Morse code for OO by the way, standing for Occupy Orlando).

So, not exactly a lolita lifestyle, and I come back to my house after three days smelling like dirt and cigarettes and dying for a shower, yeah, but I wouldn't trade all the change, cans and words thrown at me for all the petticoats in the world. I'm happy out there, just laying on the grass in the sun. Even when we're waiting for cops to come raiding us and kidnapping our friends, I'm still happy.

I know it doesn't appeal to this crowd so much, but if you want to read a much more personal blog about the occupation and daily life stuff, I'm working on one. Here it is  http://lilrevolutions.blogspot.com/

It'll be very randomly updated, but should be interesting for those into those revolution things. It'll probably have personal stuff about drugs and alcohol, breakdowns and things like that, but it'll have happy stories of adventures.

I plan to eventually train hop/hitchhike/walk/whatever between occupations and just see the country after I visit Norway, so it's worth hanging around for that at least.


I sort of wish this blog had lasted longer. I still love lolita, I think it's wonderful and beautiful and great, but for me it just isn't feasible. I'm not a princess, I'm just not. I'm a warrior and that's just not something I can be in petticoats. If you can, right the fuck on and you rock that shit. If you want to be a princess, go for it! If you're happy you're a goddamned revolutionary in my book!


Fuck yeah, you go!

Dear Lolitas, I miss you.

It's been a bit.

Okay, it's been a while. A long while.

I fell off the posting wagon, tumbled down the hill and got caught up in a town and vanished. I'm sorry.

Things have been... less than stellar. Here, let me fill you in.

Once upon a time there was a little girl you hated herself. She hated everything from the way her hair curled to how her thighs touch and that her second toe was longer than her first. She hated having red-blonde hair, she hated her wide, blue eyes, and she most of all hated who she was.

Nothing made this girl happy. She was convinced nothing ever looked nice on her, not goth, not prep, not punk and certainly not the elegance of lolita.

One day, this little girl grew up into a stubborn and lovely young lady and decided she had enough of hating, she was going to love herself. She would wear lolita and she would be happy. So she made a blog and planned to fill the pages with beauty and encouragement.

But hatred has a way of creeping back in, and that young lady found herself back to being a little girl, disgusted with herself.

She abandoned her blog, she didn't deserve beauty, not when she was so ugly. She didn't deserve lolita, she only deserved to be locked away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not a very pleasant story, I know. Sadly, life isn't all fairytales, but that little girl grew back up and wants her loving mentality back. She wants to make her own fairytales.

Full-on petticoat and ruffles lolita may not be for me, it's a lot of maintenance I may not be able to keep up with, but I will maintain this blog and it will still be Lightly Lolita. The entire fashion may not be for me 100%, but it's influence is there, which will still make me, my life and my fashion Lightly Lolita.

So, I ask you, fellow lolita-lovers, stay with me or join me now while I strive to return to a point of fully loving myself. I'm not skinny, I'm not as tall as I'd like, not as delicate, but damn it, I'm me and that beautiful and special. I can't be the perfect lolita, no one can, but I can be the best, most beautiful me.


XXX

More News

I know I know, another update and no real content. I promise, last one.

Next Saturday we will be returning to your scheduled content, what may be the last of the Reinventing series (depnding on if I can get everything in one little piece), and we'll be starting a weight loss series. I think this will be weekly, otherwise I simply won't stay motivated, and will be on Wednesdays

As the Reinventing series ends a new one will take its place on Saturdays, Weekly Lolita. This will be pictures of lolitas I find inspiring or that sand out, have something special and it'll run through my tumblr so that the pictures can be put into the slideshow in the side bar.

Also, book reviews! these will be once a month, probably at the end of the month, with the book I've chosen announced on the first. As you know, I've already announced this months, How to Become Famous in Two Weeks or Less.

And that's it for today! See you Wednesday for the first of the Weight Loss Weekly (any ideas for snazzy names?)

Possible new weeklys!

Two posts in two days?! What kind of madness is this?!

Well I wanted to let you all know some of the possibilites to be coming up for a new weekly, maybe multiple if I can swing it.

Weight loss weekly. (Diets, exercise, inspiration, recipes)
Lolitas of the week (What I feel to be the best posts on Daily_Lolita for those who don't want to actually check it every day.)
Life, Lolita (Things to bring a little lolita into day to day life.)
Gathering Lolitas (A sort of guide to planning meet-ups.)

Thoughts?

Celeste

Some news and an upcoming Monthly!

Hello darlings,

I've got some good news! First, there will be a review coming up! Not exclusively lolita, but it is about some very lovely jewelry. It probably won't be up until next month, but I'm just so excited!

Now, another bit of news about a new series starting here! I've been dying to start this and finally looks like I'll have the time soon since I'm only working one job now.

Book reviews!

It isn't going to be exclusively lolita books either, but anything that I think would interest people who like lolita. Of course Kamikaze Girls will b reviewed, as will Lolita and a lot of Victorian literature. I figure this is perfect as I'm taking my British Lit class now and will soon be getting into the late 1800's.

The first book I'll b doing is.... How to Become Famous in Two Weeks or Less.
I know a lot of lolitas crave the spotlight and the glamour, we just can't help ourselves, decadence is in our blood as lolitas. This book does a great job of giving you tips and tricks to spreading your name, whil reminding us that fame isn't everything we think it is. In the review I'll be listing a number of the tips and tricks shared in the book too. So be sure to be on the look out!

Now, in closing, some personal news.

I'm part of a lovely group called Dr. Steel's Army of Toy Soldiers. It is a group set on fun, spreading the word of a musician/genius named Doctor Steel, and just making the world a little nicer. Some of my friends are setting up a project related to this that involves Disney characters and some very lovely ladies and I've been encouraged, and accepted, the part of the newest princess, Merida, from Brave! A ginger with blue eyes?! Oh, my heart! I'm in love with her already! (I myself am ginger with blue eyes and have never been able to find a doll or idol with that particular mix. It isn't a insanely rare mix, but really, when you think ginger you think green eyes, even I do.)

The lovely lady I'll be portraying.

So, some exciting things happening! Also, the Reinventing series will soon be coming to an end. A new weekly will be taking its place, but I haven't decided what yet. Any suggestions?

Celeste

Reinventing yourself; Part 4: Staying True

If you’ve been going through this series there’s a good chance you’re not happy with you’ve been. It’s a good sign of wanting to change, it means you’re open to seeing your flaws and improving yourself. However, there’s a dangerous trap that you can fall into during this process. It’s not uncommon to forget yourself during this time of change, but it’s important that you realize this and prevent it.

Don’t forget that the old you is still you, you were that way for a reason and it isn’t a totally bad thing. Accept the way you were, your flaws, your quirks, remember them. Maybe you were shy, and that’s okay, just because you’re into Lolita now doesn’t mean you can’t be shy. If it makes you really uncomfortable talking to people or being forward then that’s okay, be shy, but work slowly on being more comfortable with being forward when you need to.

Maybe you loved comics before you decided to reinvent yourself and maybe that love no longer fits with the pin-up bombshell you see yourself as now, but you still love reading Gotham City Sirens. Well still read it! Don’t give up things you love just because they don’t ‘fit’.

So remember darlings, you’re creating an image, a character you can be when you want or need to. You are still yourself, you are still unique and you can still keep all the things you love. Don’t lose yourself in changing yourself.